How I Sort the Angels
Kai and I were talking about this and my message sadly failed, so I decided I might as well publish it, can share with anyone who’s curious in the future.
1. Castiel. Huffle!Cas stan through and through, I honestly just can’t see him as anything else. I consider his loyalty and strong sense that he should follow what is just to be a couple of his defining characteristics. I’ve heard the fact that he strays from the path at the end of season 4 used as an argument against, but I disagree, because I come from the mindset that Castiel’s loyalty isn’t to any specific person, it’s just to the general idea of doing what is right, which is no less powerful, and in fact, IMO, is his most consistent motivation across three seasons.
Castiel is so loyal to doing the right thing that he’s willing to abandon his family and make himself public enemy #2, that’s pretty powerful. I’ve also seen his attempt to kill Jesse mentioned against it, which confuses me and I think comes from the idea that Hufflepuffs are automatically nice. Again, Hufflepuffs in addition to being loyal are just. By trying to kill Jesse, Castiel was simply staying loyal to his belief in what is right, and even having loyalty to the Heavenly host that’s trying to kill him by expressing fear that Jesse will wipe them all out with a thought. He’s trying to do the right thing, by confronting the antichrist on his own even though he clearly hates that he has to hurt a child. Season 6, despite the crap the writers tried to shove on us because ‘pride’ is every television’s show favorite way of justifying a character doing bad things and it provides for a nice Lucifer comparison, wasn’t about him being cocky or too ambitious, it was about Castiel being bound to his sense of doing what is right- again, what is just. And if that means sacrificing what he has with the Winchesters, with Bobby, with Balthazar, then so be it; Castiel is so loyal to his cause that he’ll do it. And ‘unafraid of toil’? Castiel to a T.
I can’t see Ravenclaw, because sure, Cas is smart, but he has no real enjoyment of or particular drive in that area, he’s not particularly creative or a unique thinker. Slytherin? Cas has no personal ambition whatsoever in my view, and for a lengthy explanation of why Slytherin doesn’t fit Castiel at all IMO, see Ali’s brilliant post here. I don’t disagree that he could conceivably fit Gryffindor, but this is a case where I just think his Hufflepuff qualities are far more numerous and outweigh his Gryffindor style bravery.
2. Rachel. My read on her personally is that she meant it when she called Castiel her friend, and she truly was angry on his behalf with the boys; she cared about him and was truly loyal to him on a personal level. But what won out in the end is that she was loyal enough to the cause Castiel had helped her believe in and had such a strong sense of what’s just and what isn’t that she was willing to do whatever it took. She stood up to both her friend and her general because she was loyal to what he once stood for.
3. Joshua. God chose him above all angels to be his ear- that screams of loyalty and faith that Joshua will always do the just thing with whatever God tells him to me.
4. Uriel. Uriel wasn’t particularly ambitious; what was he actively doing to get Lucifer out of Hell? He was recruiting to help him have a team once he was out, but he wasn’t exactly getting things done like Ruby or Lillith. If he were Gryffindor, then I believe Uriel would have gone with Lucifer in the first place if that’s what he truly believed was right. Intelligence and wit don’t really seem to be defining traits. Hufflepuff is what I see the most, because the only truly consistent things we know about Uriel is that he’s frequently angry, hates both humans and demons…and that his motivation throughout his run was a sense of loyalty to Lucifer.
1. Anna. She chose to give up everything and everyone she’d known for billions of years to fall, not knowing what would happen to her, not knowing what it would be like, knowing that would put her on the most wanted list, because falling felt like the right choice to her. If that’s not stupid brave, I don’t know what is. In 4.10, Anna is dreading the possibility of becoming an angel again, but when everyone is in serious danger and someone needs to step up and do something, it’s Anna who unflinchingly grabs her grace, blows up her vessel, and becomes something she didn’t want to be again for the sake of saving everyone. And for the rest of season 4, Anna immediately jumps back into war, going against both Heaven and Hell, being a leader for Castiel on the free will front- even in season 5, Anna is just recklessly trying to save the world.
2. Michael. Commander of the holy host, chosen warrior, ‘toughest son of a bitch they’ve got’, basically screams Gryffindor to me. I’ve seen Slytherin argued because of his tunnel vision when it comes to killing Lucifer, but I personally disagree with that because Michael isn’t so determined to kill Lucifer for personal reasons, because it’s a particular goal or ambition of his, it’s because it’s what he honestly believes is right and must be done; just the opposite, Michael expresses that he still loves his brother, but he’ll be brave enough to put those feelings aside and kill him for the sake of duty. Additionally, we know self-righteousness, and perhaps a bit of closed-mindedness and a hero complex, tends to be a reoccurring worst trait among Gryffindors, and that fits Michael just as well.
1. Zachariah. Pretty self explanatory for me; he set one hell of an ambitious goal and was incredibly cunning to achieve it. Zachariah is also the only angel who doesn’t seem to particularly care about God at all, which is interesting to me. His ambitions were very much self-centered- just look of 5.18, where at the start of the episode, he’s angsting about his own personal failures, or how his joy at being given another chance is about proving himself.
2. Raphael. More or less the same reasoning as Zachariah. I’ve seen people say misguided Hufflepuff for him because he’s trying to do what he thinks God wants, but TBH, I didn’t buy that even at 5.03, it’s more that he’s bitter God won’t come tell him what he wants and so Raphael decides to do the most destructive thing possible because that’ll either get his dad’s attention, or if it doesn’t, then there’s no point in the world not ending. And then comes season 6, and Raphael makes it very clear that he’s all about himself now- he’s not even pretending to be doing what God wants, he essentially tells Castiel he is God now because he wants all the power and control for himself. But yeah, he decides he wants the apocalypse, he decides he wants to rule Heaven, he decides he wants Cas dead, all fairly lofty goals, and he uses any means necessary to achieve it.
3. Lucifer. I was initially torn with him. My gut reaction is Slytherin, since wanting to overthrow God is pretty damn ambitious and Lucifer is supposed to be the definition of cunning, but I could also see Gryffindor, because regardless of right or wrong, rebelling against your family and trying to Punish God himself is in it’s own frightening way pretty brave and daring- to the point of recklessness. And Lucifer is not without self-righteousness himself. But I give Slytherin the edge because of his personal ambitions- Lucifer loves other angels, but he’ll also kill them in a heartbeat all the same, if they stand in his way, he created demons but hates them all, he loves God but wants him dead for opposing him, etc. Lucifer is all about himself and what he wants, which is to rule the planet as he see fits, even though if he wipes out the demons and kills all humans and angels who oppose him to achieve that, he’s going to be all alone on that planet- he’s so oriented around that personal achievement that he either doesn’t consider that or doesn’t care.
1. Balthazar. Poor thing is all alone, but it’s okay, Castiel spends tons of time with him because Balthazar was his friend first and deserves his loyalty too and the other Hufflepuffs only mind at Qudditch matches anyway.
Anyway, I’ve seen Balthazar sorted into Slytherin more often than anything, but I’ll be honest and say that confuses me to no end because nothing fits Balthazar less than Slytherin in my eyes. Cunning, sure, but I think ambition is arguably the trait of Slytherin and Balthazar has such a vast lack of ambition, he’s one of the least ambitious characters on all 7 seasons of the show. He does the bare minimum he must to survive and will work hard to help Cas and that’s it, he’s done.
No Slytherin would have handled the weapons situation as he did. When he had the most powerful arsenal in the universe on his hands and may have even been able become the ruler of Heaven if he so pleased, when he could have made a big show of having them to the rest of Heaven and used them to guarantee power and safety for himself or just about anything, all Balthazar did was hide them and occasionally sell a few to the easiest targets possible so he could have some souls and continue on his merry way, drinking and fucking away his pain. Then he gives up all that power to Castiel in exchange for absolutely nothing- all he requests upon giving Castiel the most valuable weapons in the universe is that Castiel keep himself alive. He’s powerful enough to screw with time and universes with ease, when 4.03, 5.13, and 6.18 paint a picture of that being difficult or exhausting even under good circumstances, but the only thing he ever does with that is help Castiel a couple of times when specifically asked. And it’s just that in general, several different times throughout the season, Balthazar consistently does things in the name of helping Castiel that serve him absolutely no benefit whatsoever, and in fact leave him in a much more vulnerable, powerless situation.
And to explain the other houses, he’s brave, sure, but only when he can be bothered to care, which is very rarely- in his time on the show, it’s only ever for Castiel. Bravery is certainly something he has to absolutely extraordinary levels for the right person and the right cause, but it’s not something he has just in general, it’s not a constant quality. That’s the same issue with loyalty; he has extraordinary loyalty to Castiel, but that’s it, it’s again case/person specific and not something constant, it’s not a trait he displays much in general. On the other hand, intelligence and wit are clearly displayed time and time again with Balthazar, they’re consistent, they remain in all situations.
He really doesn’t get anywhere near enough credit for the fact that he’s clever as fuck- he has a kind of intelligence that is about resourcefulness and creativity. He not only faked his death flawlessly, but he stole Heaven’s entire arsenal out from under Virgil so seamlessly that apparently nobody even knew the weapons were missing for a good while. It’s more than even Gabriel, an archangel, accomplished when he left. In 6.15, he and Cas seem to be flying by the seat of their pants which makes me think they didn’t exactly have time to think this over very thoroughly, and yet he still came up with a plan that distracted Raphael and had him searching another universe entirely, that sent Virgil to this universe where he has no angelic powers, leaving Bal and Cas free to basically take their sweet time getting the weapons. It’s brilliant, and deciding to find/create a world where their lives are a TV show as the perfect way of losing Raphael and Virgil is some seriously creative thinking. If the writers hadn’t randomly decided to have Cas just let Raphael go, Castiel would have won that night because of Balthazar’s slightly insane plan. Or 6.17, where Balthazar is clever enough to leave a trail he knows Dean and Sam will find and make it ridiculous enough that they believe it’s him without question, which keeps all suspicion off of Castiel; he protects his friend by expressing frat boy humor through planting a picture of himself with the name IP Freely.
I know ‘wit’ doesn’t require a justification, Balthazar is obviously witty as hell. Also, when you look at how he interacts with Sam and Dean, the general cockiness and clear sense of superiority, I think Balthazar specifically enjoys the feeling of being smarter than others. Plus, Ravenclaws are of ‘ready mind’ and that to me perfectly fits Balthazar’s ability to adapt, how unlike most angels who go through at least a brief falling apart period when it comes to thinking for themselves, Balthazar goes from being under Heaven’s role to rebelling and living completely free on his own just fine. He’s incredibly depressed, he’s lying to himself, he’s broken, but he’s surviving and getting through the day to day just fine which most angels would not do under those same circumstances IMO. Ravenclaw through and through.
1. Gabriel. Argh, I constantly go back and forth with him in particular, it’s been months and I haven’t been able to settle on one house. While I don’t particularly not see Ravenclaw (as in, the sight of it wouldn’t make me want to scream the way Slytherin!Balthazar does), it doesn’t really work for me either, but the other three do. At first I thought definitely not Gryffindor since Gabriel’s main character flaw is being too afraid and refusing to stand up for what’s right, but after a talk with someone on here, I have to appreciate the argument that Gabriel’s defining moment comes from finding his bravery, much like Neville. I can see Hufflepuff, since so many of Gabriel’s actions come from him trying to be loyal to his family and protect them by preventing the apocalypse (Mystery Spot), then by helping them get what they want so at least it can be over with (Changing Channels), and then he’s willing to die for humanity once he transfers that loyalty to them. But then I see Slytherin just as much, because he goes so far in trying to achieve his goals, such as killing Dean hundreds of times and trapping Sam in that reality for months just to drive a point across.
So, there you have it! My sorting hat for the angels.